mairi2

Nice visit...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:46:45 GMT

M stopped by after a meeting she had close to here, and we drank tea and chatted - it was nice. She commented that I don't always get out much, and it's true - especially lately - I hate the cold, the snow, and don't feel all that wonderful still. Fasting is not my friend - it takes so long to get the intestinal flora and fauna back in shape - and don't suggest yogurt - I'm a label reader and do my best to avoid HFCS and plain yogurt is so - plain. I need to make my own, unsweetened. So I hide inside, snuggled under kitties, and avoid thinking. This too, shall pass and I'll be myself again. Eventually.

On the job front, still no unemployment, still applying, still working on my business plan, but was very excited to see that DEED (Dept of Employment) has a lot of info and free stuff on starting one's own business, so that was a good thing!

Now all I have to do is feel better - which is a time thing. I know I will, but I think next year I'll push on my visit to Mayo until January. Just too much other crap this time of year, and it takes all I have to put a smile on my face when I feel good.

So - feel no pity for me, I don't need condolences, this will work thru and come January, things will be looking up. I'm too stubborn to be kept down! Andrea wouldn't approve...

An engineer's guide to cats

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:30:51 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4

For all you brewers:

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:22:37 GMT

I expect to see this show up at a show this season, after hours, of course! Courtesy of my favorite niece... http://brewery.org/brewery/cm3/recs/13_23.html

Cock Ale

Classification: cock ale, historical, 1500s, chicken, meat

Source: Chris Sutherland (Christopher.Sutherland@cl.cam.ac.uk), 6/20/93

The recipe for authentic Cock Ale has finally arrived. Boy it sure is scary:
COCK ALE (circa the 1500's) A real recipe from some obscure text found in the Scottish Highlands... Enjoy....
Procedure:
"Take 10 gallons of ale and a large cock, the older the better; parboil the cock, flay him, and stamp him in a stone mortar until his bones are broken (you must gut him when you flaw him). Then, put the cock into two quarts of sack, and put to it five pounds of raisins of the sun - stoned; some blades of mace, and a few cloves. Put all these into a canvas bag, and a little before you find the ale has been working, put the bag and ale together in vessel.
In a week or nine days bottle it up, fill the bottle just above the neck and give it the same time to ripen as other ale."
Alternate recipe:
Brutal, eh? I was also given a modern recipe written by some guy named C.J.J. Berry.... Here goes this one...
"Take a few pieces of _cooked_ chicken and a few chicken bones (approx one tenth of the edible portion of the bird) well crushed or minced.
Also take half of pound of raisins, a very little mace, and one or maybe two cloves. Add all these ingrediants to half a bottle of string country white wine. Soak for 24 hrs. Then make on gallon of beer as follows:
1 lb Malt extract
1 Oz Hops
1/2 lb demerarra sugar
1 gallon water
Yeast and nutrient

Add the whole of the chicken mixture to the beer at the end of the second day. Fermentation will last six or seven days longer than usual and the ale should be matured at least one month in the bottle. This cock ale is of the barley wine type.

Girlfriends rock!

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:30:55 GMT

From my friend Kerigwen - and we already knew this, right girls?

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to
stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research --- most of it on men --- upside down.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's
authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight." "In fact," says Dr. Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers t he "fight or flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead.

When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. "This calming response does not occur in men," says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone --- which men produce in high levels when they're under stress --- seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen," she adds, "seems to enhance it."

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded", says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something."

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress
research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. "There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live."

In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and
the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight! And that's not all!

When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend confidante were more likely
to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of "Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998).

"Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson. "We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

Taylor, S. E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A. R., & Updegraff, J. A.
Female Responses to Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight.

Interesting autism link for my friends

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:46:30 GMT

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/583372?sssdmh=dm1.403519&src=nldne

If the link doesn't work, let me know.

The good news is...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:02:22 GMT

No new varices and I don't to go back for a year. That's 12 months. 365 days. I'm a very happy camper. I have no restrictions (other than I can't take nsaids) and I'm not suopposed to lose weight fast - I just need to lose it.

The (semi) bad news is that my beta-blockers are getting upped so my energy level will go down - at least for a bit. He wants to keep my pulse below 60, and I've been riding about 60 and a little above. It seems that I've developed (if I remember it correctly - drugs are fun!) portal hypertension gastrophy - a slow seepage of blood from the stomach. Much less dangerous than the varices, but still present, so I'll be chronically anemic - not that that's much change. Everything else fell within the normal range, so that's a good thing too.

The worst news, and this from a different doctor - in less than 10 years, I'll need a new knee, but with BigSis setting such a shinig example of recovery, I'm not too worried!

All in all, a pretty successful day - and I slept until after 8 AM today... Still feel kinda crappy - they always manage to bang up my left tonsil which makes it hard to eat - but that's better than rubber bands and superglue!

Count your blessings!

For my favorite niece with hiccups

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:48:18 GMT

37 years ago today

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 23:28:36 GMT

I got the call that my mom died.

If you smoke, quit. Get your yearly checkups. Get your mammograms. (Men get breast cancer too.)

Tell whomever that you love that you love them. It may be too late tomorrow.

By way of my friend Kerigwen

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 12:45:28 GMT

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too, we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois , and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the country of New California .

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma , and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get World Com.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama .

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single parents.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America 's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa !), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech, UCLA, Berkeley and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia .

We get Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 53% that think
Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties..

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out,

--Blue

P.S. Just ignore the environment. It'll go away.

My friend Janine

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:22:37 GMT

Almost all of you have heard me refer at least once to my friend Janine. She is a most important person to me for many reasons - not the least that she's the one who came in and found me lying in a pool of blood in my bathroom and didn't freak. Well, her little sister is critically ill. They don't have all of the details yet, but it's kind of sounding like pancreatic tumors and spots on the liver. This is Not Good. Please send your prayers and wishes to Janine, her family, and most of all, her sister Janelle. Thank you.

Hippo Birdies to ewe!

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:42:33 GMT

Happy birfday to my biggest sister!

From her baby sister...

I'm ready for some home mede ice cream!!!!

Try this...

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:42:19 GMT

http://picasaweb.google.com/home

Help!

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:06:59 GMT

I''ve got a of pics posted onmy Facebook account, but I'm not sure how to get them here. Anyone give me a hint?

Thanks!

In Iceland

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:32:50 GMT

We made it to Iceland just fine - saw the sun set and the sun rie all in abou 5 hours. Traveling east is so much fun! After a cuppa and a nap, we caught the taxi into town, wandered about, fought the wind and he on-and-off-again rain, and are now back in the B&B. Dan is reading and I'm doing this! I want a nap, but we need to be up by 4:30 AM tomorrow to catch the shuttle to the airport where we fly to Heathrow and then to Glasgow. All day tomorrow will bw spent in airports or aiplans - oh joy oh rapture...

But the honeymoon has begun!

Book list

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:25:25 GMT

Ok - here is my list - and I've read more of them than I thought!
Bold is I have read
Italics is started but not finished
Underlined is read and loved

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh -A. A. Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:36:01 GMT

It was cool enough to sleep last night, no hot flashes when I was trying to fall asleep, got up in enough time to have breakfast and read a part of the morning's paper, and then on my way to the car after untangling Ambrose, ate a handful of ripe raspberries.

Yummm...

PS - Mikey - I have your shirt...

Stolen from Haddyr

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:33:38 GMT

* Post 3 things you've done that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
* See if anybody responds with "I've done that." If they have- add another!(2.b., 2.c., etc...)
* Encourage your friends paste this into their own journal to see what unique things they've done.

1. Given a talk on parasomnias to an audience in Cairns, AU
2. Been invited to give a talk at the European Sleep Research Society in Glasgow on edcuation (and yes, I'm going - made the flight reservations yesterday...)
3. Went to 5 different 2nd grades in 3 different states

Good news!

Thu, 15 May 2008 12:43:44 GMT

I'm starting in February...

Hi Mary
We have just received your application to enroll in the Masters course. You look well qualified to enrol in this course so we will by recommending you are accepted.

When would you like to start the course. We have 2 intakes a year – Feb and July. The Postgrad Office have suggested you would like to start in July 2009. Is that correct, or do you want to start earlier?

We look forward to hearing further and welcoming you to the course in the future.

Kind Regards
Sally Middleton
Coordinator
Postgraduate Courses in Sleep Medicine
David Read Laboratory
University of Sydney

Input requested

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:44:36 GMT

So - I finally got it somewhat together and wrote my personal statement for grad school. Keep in mind that I'm applying for a Psy.D. in forensic psych, to start next fall (2008). I'm asking for input - I already know that I need to move a few paragraphs around, but overall - wold you admit me to your program?

In 500-750 words, please give us a specific self-appraisal of your strengths, weaknesses, and the personal qualities that you believe will contribute to your success in your chosen field of study. Please include a discussion of those personal characteristics that you anticipate will need development in your education and training. Include in your self-assessment a summary of your professional goals and any significant and relevant experiences that strongly impacted your self-awareness and ultimate decision to pursue your chosen career. - This is what they are requesting, and the following is what I wrote.

The field of sleep medicine has grown exponentially over the last few years, and with that growth has come recognition of what happens when we don’t get enough sleep, and that sleep is not necessarily a benign phenomenon. This raises questions of how responsible we are for what we do in our sleep and who is ultimately responsible for accidents that happen due to sleep deprivation.

As a Registered Polysomnographic Technologist, these questions have challenged me for years. There are a few well known legal cases involving complex sleep walking resulting in injury or murder, and drivers that have fallen asleep and caused accidents and fatalities. With greater recognition of sleep as a separate medical field comes more recognition of the importance of sleep as well as what we can do during sleep. As a clinical psychologist with a concentration in forensics and over 20 years of experience in the field of sleep medicine, I feel that I can make a difference in people’s lives and assist the court in cases where there may reasonable doubt to the guilt or innocence of a person.

I have experienced the effectiveness of hypnosis in overcoming a phobia, and am very interested in learning this as a technique to assist others. In addition, cognitive behavior therapy is a field that I have studied and would like to learn more about its application in many sleep problems such as primary and secondary insomnia as well as Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) intolerance.

My strengths are my weaknesses, as a previous manager used to tell me. I am a good communicator, and thanks to her guidance, I’ve learned to communicate more clearly, directly and with tact. I have a talent for delegation, but I recognize that I can delegate too much and then I get frustrated when things aren’t done as I think they should be. I place high standards on my behavior and expect others to have as high standards. My biggest strength is adaptability. I thrive on change and on challenge. My biggest weakness is procrastination, and I continue to work on that. This is my primary area that needs development. If it’s a task that I enjoy I’m able to complete it in next to no time, but if it’s something that doesn’t engage me, I can find a million other things that I need to before I can finish it. I have found some solutions to this, and the one that has worked best so far is to intersperse a task I enjoy with one I don’t, essentially setting up a reward system for myself.

Relevant life experiences that have impacted me and my self awareness include loss of both parents by the time I was 15, several moves to several different states as a child, and most recently, a two week hospitalization for a health problem that came close to being fatal. Losing my parents at an early age, as well as the moves across the country, taught me that life is uncertain and change is not a possibility, it’s a given. I believe this is where my adaptability and love of challenges started. Having to make new friends and fit into new social situations contributed to my extroverted personality and need for newness. A surprise medical condition that I had thought was relatively benign became a major health issue necessitating a transfer to the Mayo Clinic and an experimental procedure that isn’t FDA approved yet. This brought home that life can be short and that goals shouldn’t be delayed. It also fits my life philosophies of “Life is what happens when all your plans are made” and “Life is too short to not have fun”.

Ultimately, my career choice was shaped as a child and reinforced as I got older. All of my life, I’ve been the person that people talk to. They come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on. They come to me to mediate. Sometimes, they even listen! People fascinate me. I love to discover the motivation behind the actions, and to help them see how they can help themselves. For over twenty years I’ve helped people improve their lives physically, and I want to help them mentally now.

Pleasant day

Tue, 29 May 2007 23:01:58 GMT

Went in, worked a few hours, had b-day cake for my boss, (yummm - a good lemon,) met my sweetie at the doctor's since the BP meds he was put on didn't do anything (mine, they work overnight!) she she's running a few more tests and he gets to go back next week. We went to Black Bear Crossing at Como lake for lunch, and then rode the carosel. It was fun!

How I Spent My Spring Break

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 00:07:41 GMT

Long and somewhat gory, and possible TMI.

It started Wednesday night, after dinner and before dance. I thought that maybe I should quit eating pizza or that I was finally coming down with the stomach bug that everyone had – just that kinda queasy feeling that something wasn’t quite right… Went home after dance and went to bed – not feeling good, but not feeling really bad, either. Woke up Thursday morning and felt terrible. Thought seriously about not going into work, but I had a final to write and a test to grade, so I got up and dragged myself in. Felt worse as the morning went on, and I was standing and talking with Chad and Meg, when she looked at me and asked if I needed to sit down. I figured I had done a Casper imitation and gone white, and told her that yes, indeed, I needed to sit down. I went to my office and laid down, which helped. Chad brought me some water and some pop, which did help a little. I felt slightly better, so I said my goodbyes, had several people tell me I looked terrible, and drove myself home – not traffic, no problem.

I get home, lay down and fall asleep. Wake up a couple of hours later, and feel great – I figured I just needed some sleep. I rolled over, ran to the bathroom, (luckily it’s a small house and the bathroom is very close,) and start throwing up blood. I pass out – not due to the blood, just my typical vaso-vagal response to vomiting. I come to, hearing footsteps, and my friend J-9 is calling my name – she had stopped by to park her car, came in to say hi when she say my car, and found my laying in a pool of blood. (Later, she said it reminded her of her college days…) I convinced her not to call 911 (and yes, next time she will so don’t bug her about it,) but to get my phone, I call my Couma-care nurse, and she says get to the hospital, so I call Dan and tell him I need to get to the ER ASAP. He gets home, gathers up a couple of things, loads me in the car, and we drive to United – a generally pretty good hospital. While going thru intake, I start feeling faint and queasy again, so they find me a place to lie down. Finally, I get all checked in, am lying in the cubicle in the ER, and the parade of doctors starts. The run lab tests, find out that my hemoglobin is at 8.8 (normal is 12,) and start a cross check for blood type for a transfusion. OK, I’m on blood thinners, I’m going to bleed a bit more. They don’t buy my bleeding ulcer theory, and decide they need to admit me. I’ve also received a few bags (4 or so) of fresh frozen plasma to help the clotting. As I’m waiting for a room to open, I have an overwhelming urge for a BM. Since I’ve already got 2 IVs going, they won’t let me up but provide a bedpan. Turns out to be pretty much pure blood diarrhea. Another great vaso-vagal response and my pulse dips to 39. Gets the doctors a little excited.

I finally get to a room. In the ICU. Not a good sign. They want to see what’s going on inside me, so I go for a CT scan. Turns out that the portal vein thrombosis I had 3 years ago is back to haunt me. I have varices (think varicose veins that bleed) in both my stomach and esophagus that are bleeding, due to the pressure of the thrombosis. I also find out that my meso-enteric vein and splenic vein are thrombosed. Oh joy. So I sit out Friday, they run a few more tests, give me more blood, try to figure out what to do with me. Saturday, I’m feeling pretty darn good, can’t figure out why I’m in the ICU, and they give me more blood and decide to add some potassium and magnesium because I’m a bit low. At this point, I have 4 IVs running, and the poor phlebotomist is hard pressed to find a vein to draw from. So the potassium starts, and it starts to burn. And then it feels like fire ants are in my hand and the nurse can’t get the IV out fast enough. I have another vaso-vagal response, and this time I grey out and flat line for about 15 seconds. Want to see medical professionals get excited? Flat line in the ICU. All kinds of people come and see you then. I came to OK, but felt like crap the rest of the day. Sunday rolls around, and I wait for the surgeon who will tell me what the next step is. He doesn’t show. (I’ve been waiting since Friday for this joker.) Monday, and everything is the same. Except there are no doctors to be found – I figure that they don’t know what to do with me, so they’re hiding from me. I’m not too far off in that thought…

Tuesday and the surgeon finally shows up. He turns out to be an old school surgeon – a real ass. After talking with him, there’s no way I would allow him to touch me. I do get shifted out of the ICU and into a regular room, however, so I get a bit more sleep. Turns out that no one at United can help me, but they think there’s some one at Abbott that can, so I get transferred over there – only to find The Roommate From Hell. (I’m not exaggerating – they almost called security on her and her mom.)

Thursday – one week in the hospital – still getting blood transfusions. This little wet-behind-the-ears interventional radiologists comes in to tell me about this TIPS procedure that they’re planning on doing to me. He explains that on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most difficult, I’m a 9.8. But he’s done 40 of these procedures and never failed. He goes on to explain that there’s a 10% chance of serious complications, and only a 20% chance of it working, and that they’ll have to give me a general anesthetic. I start weighing the cost/benefit ratio, and decide that it’s not in my favor. Before I can tell him he’s full of it, the GI surgeon comes in and says that I’m not a candidate for TIPS – I don’t have enough of a vein left. He explains that they’ve been talking with the U of M and Mayo, and that Mayo has a procedure for the stomach varices that is NOT FDA approved, but that is approved in every other country. I agree to this, and agree to be sent to Mayo. That evening, I’m laying quietly, headphones on a cranked to avoid TRMFH, and the chief nurse rushes in and ask if I’m OK. I say sure, but I’ve just had a few PreVentricular Contractions (PVCs). She said I had just had a 16 beat run of ventricular Tachycardia, and I replied that I had just bought myself a visit to a cardiologist. After that work up, I found out that my heart s fine – I just need potassium!

Friday morning and I get my 1^st ambulance ride – no siren or lights, darn it! We get to May and I’m back in the ICU. Talk to way too many doctors (the joy of a teaching hospital) and they explain the procedure and say they’ll start that night. Yippee! Action! They start Friday, and I find out later, finished Saturday. Evidently, I have a very good gag reflex and don’t like things shoved down my throat even when sedated, so they intubated me and sedated me heavier. They super glue 2 varices in my stomach, and band several in my esophagus – the longest being 25 cm. I come out of the sedation OK, feeling like someone punched my in the chest, and coughing with a bit of a sore throat for the tube, but otherwise OK. I’ve felt pretty OK the whole time, except for the initial vomiting.

Sunday rolls around, and they don’t like the sound of my lungs. I get an x-ray, and sure enough, I’ve got pneumonia, largely due to the intubation. The antibiotics start. But at least I’ve got a private room! My in-laws were down for the procedure, as well as my sweetie and sister. My father-in-law pays for the hotel room for my family for as long as necessary – I have the best in-laws!

The rest of the week is healing time – I finally get to eat soft foods (not worth it – I don’t do Jello…) and mostly just try to get over being sick. Thursday the new x-ray is clearer, and I get to go home. I’m thrilled. Exhausted, but thrilled. It’s a long ride home from Mayo after 2 weeks in bed.

I spend time at home recuperating, trying to get my energy level back to some semblance of normal, and finally, go into work. My students buy me flowers, I get hugs, and life is pretty good, except I can’t walk, stand, or talk very long. Last week was a bit better, more stamina, and Thursday I go back to Mayo for a follow up. Another endoscopy in the morning where they band 4 more varices, and then see the doc in the afternoon. I’m wiped out, feeling like I just got punched, and listen to the doc. Big sister and sweetie are with me which is good, since I can’t think of any questions to ask but they can. Right now, I’m on beta blockers to lower my blood pressure and hence the back pressure in my gut, which may or may not prevent any more varices. (He wants to keep my blood pressure about 90/60, with a pulse of about 60. If I can tolerate it.) What I remember most is his comment that he usually doesn’t see people worse then me in follow up – they usually die.

So – I’m off of the blood thinners for now with much closer follow up – another CT in about 6 months, another endoscopy in May, and a restriction on traveling far from medical care until they get all the varices banded. My blood pressure this weekend has been about 90/54, my pulse down around 60, and I have no energy. And no real answers. I don’t know why this happened in the first place and why it got so bad in the second place, and how I keep on managing to live thru it all. Good medical care is part of it, some people say sheer stubbornness is another part, but I don’t know. I’m dealing with the inevitable depression (not to worry – it is getting better and will continue to do so as I feel better,) and trying to figure what in my life is going to go. I have some hard decisions ahead of me.

Tell everyone you love that you love them. Don’t let petty bullshit get in the way of a relationship. You may die today or tomorrow, and there’s no way to predict it. Life is too damn short.

Getting paranoid...

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 21:46:17 GMT

OK - so we all know that AP, who was my boss for years, is dying. My boss from Medtronic died about 10 years ago. My boss from Regions just died.

I think it's dangerous to be my friend or family member...

rough day

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 00:06:20 GMT

Well, I did 2 difficult things today, and am looking at a rough week. A former co-worker and I drove down to see AP - she was sleeping and not aware she had visitors. I talked with her son who said she was still responsive, but that she had had a very difficult night. I talked briefly with her daughter who was there, and it's obvious that she's written AP off - she's just there for the duration. I recommended grief counseling - I think she'll need it because all she could talk about was the guilt.

Her son called while we were there, and asked if I thought he should rescind the DNI order. I told him that it wsn't my decision, but I knew that AP and I had talked this over and she did NOT want to be prolonged. I told him that - and pointed out again that she is terminal, and intubating her would only prolong her life - not add to it in any way. I recommended against it, trying to gently point out that at this point, intubating would be for the rest of her life - she couldn't be weaned off of it. I told him that I had talked with Dr M about just that situation. I felt very touched that he respected me enough to ask my opinion.

So starting Tuesday, my former co-worker and I will start the task of clealning the Aegean stables AKA AP's office. She was a packrat and could never throw anything away. The scary part is that I dreamed that we would be doing this months ago- I even told CS about my dream at the time. As far as I know, the only prophetic dream I've ever had.

I can't even cry anymore. I know it will come, but I can't explain it. There's a tight ball that nothing can get past right now.

And, after talking with LM about the MSF&HG, she told me that once again the meeting was scheduled for the 1st Wednesday of the month. I wrote to the Pres of the org, and told him that not only would I not be able to make that meeting, but if the meeting continued to be held that day, I would have to resign. I love being on the board, but we've discussed this so many times at the meetings, and last I knew, the date had been changed to a Monday.

So, there may be one less issue on my plate.

Had a good time yesterday with my Girl Scouts - we went out to tap maple trees and make syrup. Had a rousing snowball fight where I was deluged (is 3 aginst 1 fair, even if they are all smaller than me?) but the day started with me going over to my co-leaders house early to watch her kids so she and her hubby could take their cat to the vet to have her put to sleep - kidney disease, among other things. So I played with the kids, we watched "Beakman's World", and I gave my friend a big hug at the end of our day. We both agreed that it's good to be friends.

And once again - without my friends, I couldn't make it. this will all be over some day, but until then, I know I'm not alone.

Sad and resigned

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 15:09:37 GMT

Ramblings...

AP will most likely die this weekend. The cancer has invaded her brain stem, she has no cough reflex, and has pneumonia, as well as a couple of other infections.

She and I will never get to Paris. she and I will never drink the wine that she made me save so we could drink it together. She and I will never have another birthday dinner, sometime in the year following our birthday.

I wi;; never have her to turn to, to tell me about opportunities that no one else knows about.

It's not all about me - it's about her and the hole that she will leave, not only in my life but in the lives of everyone she has touched. But the hole in my heart is huge.

Birthday musings

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 16:01:08 GMT

All in all, a rather good day, even if there was too much cake involved. My cruising friend called me from the Isle of St Thomas to say HBD, my peripatatic friend visiting CO called for the same, a few others contacted me in various ways including the infamous middle sister, but the hardest part was that I couldn't reach AP to wish her a happy b-day. She wasn't listed in the hospital, which means she's either discharged or requested to no be listed, her cell phone went straight to voice mail, and this is the 1st time in over 20 years we haven't spoken on our b-day.

Other than that, it was good - got the Kitchen Aid mixer I wanted, so I'm going home early to make bread. Maybe I'll do some good roasted garlic bread...

I have few blood relatives - and even fewer that I'm close to - so I cherish my friends all the more. Thank you. There are times I couldn't make it without you!